Starring Wicked Queen Squippache, Snow Waz, and the 7 Dweebs.  And, introducing for the first time in decades, the return of  Mirror! Mirror! On the Wall (as himself).

Featuring Sleazy, Slumpy, Dumb (as a rock) Doc, Dumber, Gumpy (who loves shrimp), Bonehead, and Dumpy - also known as the Seven Dweebs.

=================================================================

CHAPTER THREE

Word got out that the Queen was baking again.  This was not good news.  Queen Squippache was an awful cook.  Her Beef Stew stank.  Her Weinersnitzel, although it smelled like sauerkraut, tasted like hamburger, and everyone knows that hamburger is the last thing weinersnitzel should taste like.  Now, you should know that hamburgers, as we know them today, were not yet invented back in the fairy tale days.  They did have hamburgers, though.  They were called meat sandwiches.  That's what her weinersnitzel tasted like.

But, the really bad news about her baking reputation was that is was her way of killing people she didn't like.  The aroma of Apple pie wafted through the sky from early morning until late into the evening.  She made one pie.  It smelled like apple pie, surprisingly, and more surprisingly, tasted like apple pie.  Never mind that it was laced with a concoction of hog's blood, bat snot and a touch of beetle juice as a special potion to kill whoever might be her present nemesis (and you know who that might have been), the pie was irresistible.  If you got within three feet of this pie, you would simply have to have a bite.  It was intoxicating - and deadly.  In other words, she made a killer apple pie.

The last thing the Queen's victim would say, just before withering away (not unlike a certain wicked witch from some other fairy tale who had the water thrown on her), would be, "Hmm!  Tasted just like pie!"  Then, that perfectly innocent person would wither away, as I have just mentioned, and be gone.  That's how everyone knew, first, that the Queen's apple pie actually tasted like apple pie, and secondly, that if the Queen offered you a piece of apple pie that smelled like apple pie, well, you might want to bow out as graciously as possible.  Trouble with that was that if you were close enough to be offered the pie you were too close to resist.

One day, Waz was walking where women were warned never to wander.  She found herself in the Queen's wardrobe room, the large walk-in closet in the King & Queen's bedchambers.  She was looking for bug spray.

"Psst."

Waz heard something go, "Psst."

"Psst."

There it was again, "Psst."

"Hey, Snow Lady!"

Snow looked around, startled.

"Yes, I hear you.  Where are you at?"

"Over here.  It's me, Mirror! Mirror!."

"Oh, hello, Mirror!  Gee, I'm sorry if I am not supposed to be in here, but have you seen the fly spray?"

"Yes, it's under the bed.  On the Queen's side of the bed, of course."

"Yes, of course." Waz agreed.

"But, wait!  Stand still."

Waz stood still.

"Now turn around."

Waz turned around.

"Marvelous!" said Mirror!

"Okay, now turn back."

Waz turned back.

"Hey!" Snow said with a teasing smile, "I thought Mirrors couldn't see when you weren't looking at them.  How could you see me with my back turned?"

"My dear, Snow, I must confess that we have let people think that for so many centuries.  But, you are so fair and so far you have proved to be fair and just and, well, if I must confess, and I must, you see, well, I am a little bit embarrassed to admit it that, well, we have been watching you for quite some time.  I hope you don't mind.  I hope you're not mad or disappointed or, gee, anything, because, golly Snow you are just so beautiful.

"What are you trying to tell me, Mirror?"

"Huh?"

"Oh, I get it now.  Are you saying that I am the fairest of them all?"

"Shhhhh! Gee! Don't say that so loud.  Not in here."

"Oh, sorry."

"Well, you certainly are a natural blonde."

"Thank you, Mirror."  She looked into the mirror and said, "But, I look a bit flushed, don't I?"

"Yes, but it brings out the hazel in your blue eyes, my dear."

"Really?  You think so?  The brown or the green?"

"The green.  Oh my!  It's too bad about you, though."

"Too bad about me.  What do you mean?"

"Take a deep breath, Snow.  What do you smell?"

"Apple pie.  Why?"

"Well, duh, haven't you heard?"

"Yeah, Mirror, I know.  Someone is going to die?"

"It's you, Waz, it's you!  Man, you pretty blondes!"

"Me!  Why me?"

"Come closer," Mirror! said, motioning with the upper corner of his trim.

Snow walked over to Mirror! and leaned to listen to the whisper that was coming.

"BECAUSE YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL!" screamed Mirror! Mirror! at Snow Waz.

"Well, thank you again, Mirror! Mirror!."

"Run, Waz!"

"Pardon?"

"Run Waz!  Run away Waz!  Run far away, Snow Waz!

"But, where do I run to?" Snow wanted to know.

The silence of the Queen's bedchambers was interrupted only by their presence.  A fog began to invade the entire room.  Mirror! Mirror!'s glass began to fog up.  Snow looked around the room thinking that maybe, well, she didn't know what to think, of course.  Such a beautiful woman!

She looked back at Mirror! Mirror! and could see words starting to form on the glass.  She prayed that it would not say Redrum and was quite relieved when she was finally able to read the following:

The 7 Dweebs Inn

12470 Corkwood Forest Lane

Hollyland, DA  92395

760-245-4331

email:  dweebles@wobble.com

Snow didn't know what the last two lines meant.  She wondered what "email" was. But, she was pretty sure that Mirror! Mirror! was trying to tell her something.  She quickly made a mental note of the address (she had been lost in the forest before, so she knew she could get there again), then made a rope of the bed sheets and crawled out the window.  It was a first floor bedchambers, so she didn't need as many sheets as she had tied together - still, she sprained her ankle as she tripped over the excess sheets laying on the ground below the window.  She hobbled her way around to the front of the castle, climbed down the cobblestone side of the moat, then up the other side and limped across the open field next to the apple orchard.

She turned to look one last time at all that she was leaving behind and was blinded by two-hundred Mirror!s leaning out of two-hundred windows, the sun reflecting their goodbyes to their favorite and fairest of all-time.  

From behind the castle a dark cloud approached, blocking out the sun.  Moments later, Snow Waz waz warmed by the sight of her ten-thousand butterflies coming to accompany her wherever she was to roam.

In the kitchen, Queen Squippache was putting the finishing touches on her infamous Crusted Regal Apple Pie.

-----to be continued-----

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bless you.....................................Eugene H. Maze

This chapter and all chapters related to this website book entitled "Other Shorts" (copyright 1995, 2005) was written and published by Eugene H. Maze.  No portion of this book may be copied, sold or distributed either by electronic or other means in any fashion whatsoever without the expressed written permission of the author.  Permission for distribution may be obtained by contacting the author at ehylandmaze@aol.com.  Links to this and all previous and subsequent pages of this book entitled "Other Shorts" may be distributed freely without permission.

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