Starring Wicked Queen Squippache, Snow Waz, and the 7 Dweebs.  And, introducing for the first time in decades, the return of  Mirror! Mirror! On the Wall (as himself).

Featuring Sleazy, Slumpy, Dumb (as a rock) Doc, Dumber, Gumpy (who loves shrimp), Bonehead, and Dumpy - also known as the Seven Dweebs.

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CHAPTER ONE

"Mirror!  Mirror!  On the Wall!  Who is the fairest of them all?" asked Queen Squippache.

[The Queen was, as were some Queens in fairy tales, an evil one.  But, she was very beautiful.  Now, mind you, she was not always very beautiful as she is at the start of this story.  Years before, she was very ugly - which went along well with her evil ways.  No one knew, at first, why a King would marry such an ugly and evil woman, but there you have it.  She had something that the King liked.  But, he didn't like her face anymore than anyone else did, so he hired the plastic surgeon and got her a face lift - and a tummy tuck to match, because she had a bit of a beer belly that made her look...well, let's just say nothing else.  All that "work" on her, however, did nothing about the ugly inside.  A young minstrel of the day used to sing a song about her.  It went something like this, "One thing you can't hide, is when your crippled inside."]

"Why Queen Squippache!" Mirror! Mirror! answered.  "Of all the women of your kingdom, you are the fairest of them all."

"Why thank you, Mirror! Mirror!" the Queen responded, blushingly.

"However," Mirror! Mirror! said.  "There is a young girl who is about to become a woman very soon.  She is fairest of the young girls.  Did you want me to include young girls in this analogy of 'Who is the fairest?'  Because if you do, I must say...." 

Before he could finish, the Queen interrupted him.

"I didn't ask who the fairest of the young girls was, did I?" responded the Queen, not inquisitively.  "I asked you about the women.  Please try to stick to the subject, you stupid mirror."  (This should give you a clue as to how ugly the Queen was on the inside, huh?)

"Escusa moi," answered Mirror! Mirror! in a condescendingly French-like huff.

The Queen turned away from Mirror! Mirror! to pull her garter tighter, but the comment about the beautiful young girl had already stirred her rage - and interest.

"So, what is this little girl's name?" she asked, her back still turned toward Mirror! Mirror!

Mirror! Mirror!, of course, did not answer.  Mirror! Mirror! On the Wall was not allowed to watch people unless they were looking at him - it would be considered rude.  Besides, the backside of the Queen turned him off and when a mirror is turned off it can't hear - everybody knows that.

Queen Squippache remembered that.  She turned to snap Mirror! Mirror! back on. 

"So, what is this little girl's name?" she repeated

"It is Snow Waz," then, he added, "My Queen."  It was hard to tell whether he was calling Queen Squippache his Queen or was referring to the little girl as a Queen.  The real Queen, the "now" Queen didn't get his little play on words.  Did you get it?

Anyway, Mirror! Mirror! went on:

"She is so cute.  You should see her when she is playing with the kingdom lions.  All the animals talk to her.  One day she caught a butterfly.  Well, actually, the butterfly flew into her open hand.  She gave it a little kiss on one of its wings.  Well, Queen, it was amazing!"  

Mirror! Mirror! was getting so excited that the sides of the mirror began to fog up.  He took a deep breath, and went on.  

"Suddenly, out of nowhere, flew a thousand other butterflies.  They all wanted a kiss from her.  It was awesome, Queen Squippache!  I can't wait until she grows up and wants to look at herself in the mirror.  My nephew, Stained-Glass, would be perfect for her.  I don't mind telling you, I wouldn't mind getting a few peeks at her myself - I mean, when she gets older, of course.  She is going to be so beautiful!"

Mirror! Mirror! knew he had said too much.

"Shut up!" responded the Queen, finally, after steaming so much that the sides of her head were smoking.

She turned away from the mirror and walked toward the bed.  Her golden slippers were hiding warted feet, and her golden fleece was betrayed by a bad case of dandruff.  She was very tired tonight - much too tired to concern herself with this little, cute, young and charming girl the mirror had mentioned.  She had a kingdom to run and loyal subjects needed her to keep them in line tomorrow.

The king, sleeping on the wrong side of the bed, snorted a snort, then rolled over to his side of the bed.  It was his habit when the Queen was getting into bed to roll over and away from her because she had really bad breath.  He wasn't really sleeping, by the way, he just faked it because he didn't like to look at the Queen in her bedchamber because, well, besides the face lift and the tummy tuck, the rest of her was quite unseemly.

Queen Squippache tossed and turned all night.  Not because she was worried about the pretty little girl, but because she dreamed about the ugly stick attacking her again while she slept.  On this particular night she dreamed the entire forest was after her - a million ugly sticks!

Meanwhile, lying in her manger-like bed behind the servant's quarters, the little girl named Snow Waz slept peacefully.  She dreamed of a prince who would one day take her in his arms and carry her away to be Queen of the most wonderful land in all the world.  He was charming.  His teeth were straight.  In Snow's dreams, she imagined being with this Prince (he looked a lot like me, by the way) - they were eating ice cream together, throwing snow balls, playing tag.  She was only a little girl, you remember.  They would spend their days turning cartwheels across the lawn of her castle.

It wouldn't be long (as is the case with tales of this nature) before the cartwheels would turn to carriage wheels cruising up and down the hillside near the castle mall.  But, for now, she was content to dream of a charming prince who would be more like a big brother - someone to protect her.  

Fairy Tales!  Gee!

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Yes, well, as the story would go, Snow became a knockout!  She filled out quite nicely, thank you.  All the boys in town followed her around. but she was so beautiful that none of the boys, even the bravest of them, could muster the nerve to approach her.  One young boy managed to approach her, but he became so tongue-tied that the words were lost in the slobber running down his chin.  Snow thought he was rally cute, but he ran off - well, he stumbled off, shortly after picking himself up from backing into a cow who mooed so loud that the chickens started flailing their wings and "buck-buck-bucking" - anyway, he ran off too fast because, well, he may have had a chance at finding out that she was really quite an average girl, except for her striking beauty, especially when she was asleep.  She was a real sleeping beauty, indeed - but, that's another story.  Nevertheless, that kid would not find that out.

The other boys within her circle of influence just watched her from a distance, and gazed with tilted heads as she scrubbed the floors of the castle where she worked part time to pay for her dental work.  She had one tooth just slightly ajar, protruding from the left side of her jaw, but, thankfully on the inside of her cheek rather than out front where the whole world could see this miniscule imperfection.  Although, I must admit, that when she laughed, and when she opened her mouth to do so, the crooked tooth showed just enough to be noticed but not enough to be unseemly.  Besides, with few exceptions, most people were mesmerized by those clear, water-blue eyes so that they never even noticed the tooth.  And the lips that surrounded the mar beneath them held either a constant smile that would melt any heart, or would pout so that she would certainly get her way with whatever she wanted to get her way with.  She, of course, was not spoiled.  Oh!  No!

But, it was the Queen who paid the most attention to Snow. Queen Squippache had noticed how much lovelier Snow Waz was now than before she became a "young" woman - even with braces. 

Even with braces!  The Queen especially hated her for how gorgeous Snow Waz was with braces.  The Queen remembered the day she got her own braces (so many years ago).  Back then it wasn't hard to tell that even Mirror! Mirror! On the Wall thought she was ugly.  Her face turned out okay (for a wicked Queen), but she spent many a day with the Sorcerer trying to get her self-confidence back.

The Wicked Queen spent far too much time comparing herself to this young woman.  It was a losing battle because Snow's complexion was smooth and Snow's hair was soft, so soft it seemed to float around her head rather than hang from it.  The Queen's complexion was - well, I've said enough already.  Let's get on with the story, OK?

-----to be continued-----

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bless you.....................................Eugene H. Maze

This chapter and all chapters related to this website book entitled "Other Shorts" (copyright 1995, 2005) was written and published by Eugene H. Maze.  No portion of this book may be copied, sold or distributed either by electronic or other means in any fashion whatsoever without the expressed written permission of the author.  Permission for distribution may be obtained by contacting the author at ehylandmaze@aol.com.  Links to this and all previous and subsequent pages of this book entitled "Other Shorts" may be distributed freely without permission.

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